Subscribe to the Ho-Down

Most recent articles

Fear and Loathing in Brian Head

Capitalist Pigs Attack Brandon

Canada Imposes Swine Embargo

Computer Hacker Topples Saddam Hussein

Semen Bartering Scandal

Sponsors
Ma Baley's Knitting Emporium

Bless This House
Lovingly handcrafted by an old lady of some sort, these afghans are sure to keep you and your loved one warm even in the dead of winter
Click here to place an order

---

If you would like to sponsor the Ho-Down and receive an ad in this virtu-paper, contact the editor. Note: The Ho-Down is very proud of its low standards and morals. This paper would like to reflect these low standards in it's advertising. Only ads with questionable morals will be accepted.

Subscribe to the Ho-Down

The Ho-Down and Extravaganza would like to introduce you the reader to its newest column, A Day in the Life. The intention of this column is to give the reader a little snap shot into the lives of our beloved family members or friends whom you might not be able to keep in touch with as regularly as you wish. This being the virgin run of A Day in the Life, we at the Ho-Down felt it appropriate to start with our darling Deke. So sit back, grab your mouse, and get ready to do a little catching up with Deke Baley: Man-Gina.

We begin our journey late Friday afternoon in Virden, Manitoba. Ho-Down correspondent Ramone "Hot" Carl caught up with Deke in Suvius's Virden office after a hard day of work in the field.

Deke Baley after working the town late Friday night, "The Grand Central Hotel is a Gold Mine"

Hot Carl: So Deke! How was your day.

Deke: Fine except Ian was being a bitch to me again.

HC: Is he always a bitch to you?

DB: No just when I wear women's undergarments to work. Enough about him though let's get ready.

HC: Ready for what?

DB: For some fun Silly!

Back at Deke's apartment.

HC: Why are you putting on make-up?

DB: To pick up men. Say, do you think I should go for the purple eye shadow or green? Never mind, I like the purple cause the green makes me look like a slut. Oops! can I say slut.? Hee-Hee-Hee! Sorry, I get such a potty mouth sometimes. I think it's from when I was working on the pipeline. Those bad boys really have naughty mouths and boy do they have money to spend if you know what I mean.

HC: What do you mean?

DB: Do I have to spell it out for you, silly? I'm a male prostitute. You know, a Man-Gina-He-Bitch.

HC: Sorry, I didn't pick up on that.

DB: Why do you think I'm getting myself all prettied up? Man when I think back to those pipeline guys, rrrrrr it just gets my motor running.

HC: So where do you do all your whoring now?

DB: Right now I have a pretty steady clientele at the Grand Central Hotel right here in Virden, but I'm hoping to expand to Brandon very soon.

HC: So what does man-whoring entail?

DB: Well, I hit the bar around 7.00 p.m., let the guys buy me drinks and yadda yadda yadda, at the end of the night I got myself a pocket full of change if you catch my drift. Are you ready it's time to go?

"I'm just a regular Joe who happens to sell his body; is that wrong?"

Grand Central Hotel approximately 7:00 p.m. Deke is out working his customers. He seems to be focusing on the west side of the bar near the pool tables. He has obviously done this before. He has it down to an art. He sits next to an elderly man who looks like he has cash. The man looks like he might be a banker type. The two are chatting up a storm and the elderly man is buying rounds of drinks left over right. Deke heads toward the bathroom and just before he goes in, he signals to the elderly man. The elderly man gets up and goes toward the bathroom. Ten minutes later Deke appears from the bathroom. His make up is a little smudged. One minute later, the elderly man exits the bathroom and returns to his seat with a devilish smile on his face.

Deke is already working his second trick. This time he works on a man more his age. This man is a rough and tumble kind of guy and it is obvious that he has major coin. Deke works him with the greatest of ease. Ten minutes later, both men are headed to the bathroom and ten minutes later both exit. Deke is working his third trick.

When all is said and done, Deke has serviced 13 men from all walks of life and he has a pocket full of jingle; $260 to be exact.

HC: Not bad, but don't you think that you are sacrificing your morals. Not because they are male but because you are using your body to make money?

DB: The money is all fine and dandy, but I'm not in it for the money.

He winks, blows a kiss, then fades into the darkness of the back alley behind the Central. I can hear him whistling "I'm a lumberjack and that's okay" from Monty Python's Flying Circus, then there is a tiny little snicker, then silence. This is Ramone "Hot" Carl reporting from Virden, MB just behind the Grand Central Hotel.

To you, the reader, we at the Ho-Down hope that this has brought you up to date with your precious loved one and are looking forward to bringing you next months feature of "A Day in the Life".

Disclaimer: Some of the events in this story may or may not have been embellished. Although some of the persons or events may seem to be true the reader must be reminded that the facts might be a little bit fabricated.