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A brutal terrorist attack has rocked the local homestead of Derek "Cleetus"
Baley and his sister/girlfriend, "Lucky" Lindsay Gabriel.
I was minding my own business, just sniffing this porcupine's ass and BAM! He quills me, yells "yippy-yi-jihad, Allah rules!" and just buggers off. Bloody savages.
The attack took place on October 17, 2001, twenty-six days after the attacks on
the World Trade Center in New York City. It is believed the radical terrorist
leader Osama Bin Laden masterminded another vicious attack on North American
society by calling on all Muslims to turn themselves into porcupines and shoot
their anti-American quills at unsuspecting dogs of Canadian and American
citizens. These latest attacks are believed to be in retaliation for the US
bombing of Afghanistan and for harbouring the Backstreet Boys.
Leader of the Canadian Frat Party, Ken "Dubya" Baley, said, "Bin Laden? Isn't he
the star of Coach?". Alleged president of the United States, George W. Bush,
said (with somewhat more conviction than Ken W.), "Mr. Bin Laden has followed
through on his threats to scare American dogs into hiding. He must be brought
to justice as will all terrrrisssss. Terrrrissss. Damn, why can't I say
terrrissss? Damn it. Terrrrrissss! Oh screw it, let's bomb those turkeys some
more. Dick, where's my beer and 'I'm with stupid' shirt?".
Can some one pass me a tooth pick, I have something stuck in my teeth
Of the victims of the October 17th "quillings" are Buddy "Don't mess with me or
I'll piss on your head" Baley and Mojo "Don't mess with me or I'll let you piss
on my head" Gabriel. The two were rushed to the Virden District Veterinarian
Clinic and pronounced quill-ful. After various dopings of the dogs and their
owners, which local officials claim may or may not contain anthrax, the dogs
were dequilled and sent home. (While under the influence, Buddy pissed on
Mojo's head in a salute to solidarity among the Canine Canadians).
When asked how the ordeal has affected their lives Derek "Cleetus" Baley
replied, "If I ever catch that Bing Lavel character tryin' to steal my chickens
again, I'ma gonna make him squeeeeal like a leetle piggy! Hee-hee, right ma?
Like a stuck leetle piggy, hee-hee".