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Accept no substitutes! The original Vaseline. For all your "petroleum jelly" needs. Now available at your local senior's residence.
Click here to place an order
If you would like to sponsor the Ho-Down and receive an ad in this
virtu-paper, contact the editor
Note: The Ho-Down is very proud of its low standards and morals. This paper
would like to reflect these low standards in it's advertising. Only ads with
questionable morals will be accepted.
Ho-Down readers may have noticed a deceptively large gap betwixt our last issue
and this one. The more astute readers (both of them) will also have noticed
that the site was down for a brief period in March and April while we
re-organized to satisfy what this reporter will call repressive and unholy
constraints by Revenue Canada (and, to a lesser extent, Interpol). Our most
loyal employee, Papa Louie*, has been hard at work addressing such issues as
We are faced with a dilemma: How can we continue to output quality journalism at
the rate of an issue a month when it can take upwards of three years (and
thousands of dollars in "acquisition funds") to properly research a story. Some
of our critics have attributed the shortage of content to gross incompetency
and a lack of talent and commitment (which reminds me, if anyone would like to
apply for a position as a media-critic, a position has just opened up at the
After much soul-searching and many sleepless nights worrying about the wants and
needs of our readers, the Ho-Down has decided to change it's publication
schedule. What does this mean for you, our eager and loyal readers? We have
come up with a truly unique method to our publication schedule: We will come
out with an issue whenever we damn well please! That's right, you heard me.
Whenever we friggen FEEL like coming out with an issue, that's when it'll
appear. You ravenous beasts have absolutely NO say in the matter. What, do you
think we don't have lives here? Do you think we have nothing better to do than
spew out words and phrases for your amusement? Think again, Sparky! Our
attendance for court dates alone requires a full-time lawyer.
That's not to say we haven't been totally idle, only MOSTLY idle. For example,
check out the following additions to the Ho-Down:
There you have it. The new, kinder, gentler Ho-Down for your reading pleasure.
Take it or leave it.
And if you don't like it, you'd better re-read our slogan at the top.
*The editor would like to note that Papa Louie is
available for hire for various tasks including "persuasion", "fund extraction",
and other legitimate business tasks. For more information, email
What do you think of the new look of Ho-Down?
See the results of the poll here