The Hillbaley Ho-Down and Extravaganza!

Volume 1, Issue 1          The Morden Baleys Go Virtual               October 15, 2000

Cody Takes Three to the Head
"When I catch up to that ?*&%$^ who killed my brother, I'm gonna mess him up bad."- Colten Baley

Tara May Has Big Plans
" I'm just glad that they are both going to school fulltime now so I can have some ?@%$#& time to myself!"

Colten Refuses to Get His Hair Cut
" No that's all right Honey, now could you please move out of the way? The Yankees are up to bat."

The Morden Baleys Welcome A New Addition to Their Family
There's nothing like a good old fashioned s#$%-kicking to welcome a new family member, right Deke.

Todd Decides to Devote His Life to the Fine Art of Consuming Perogies
"Hey Ronald! If you were a hotdog and you were hungry, would ya eat yourself? I know I would."

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Left to right; The Dude, BratBoy, The Babe, Mini Me.(circa 1996)
Welcome to the virgin run of The Hillbaley Ho-Down and Extravaganza. This is a monthly newsletter, design by the Morden contingent of the Clan Baley, to help friends and family keep more closely informed of the day to day goings on what they like to call "THEIR LIVES". In the paragraphs that follow, the reader will find little tidbits of information and trivia about the K.T. Baleys of Morden. The writer wishes to inform the reader at this point that his writing skills are very limited and unhoned (if that's a word; no it's not cause I looked it up; it's a trade I learned in my school. Quote from the shakin' rock and roll band Sloan). The writer would like to apologize for that little outburst. Enjoy the virtual casa that the Baleys have so generously dedicated to you.

Cody Takes Three to the Head

Tara May Baley was deep into her studies at the Morden Adult Education Centre (for Adults) where she is taking an Entrepreneurial course, because she hopes to one day open her own funky and groovy clothing store (more to follow on that later), when she received a phone call from the Ecole Morden Middle School. Yes the writer finds that name somewhat redundant too. The call was to inform her that her nine year old son, the graceful Cody Nicholas Storm Baley, who studies at the School Morden Middle School, with his six year old sidekick brother Colten T. Seth Baley, had fallen not down, but up the stairs at his school. The fall had resulted in a "totally rad" amount of blood being spilt on the a fore mentioned stairs. Word quickly spread through the Ecole and it was not long before Colten had caught wind of the "Fall". Fearing that his big brother was in dire straits, Colten cut his severely relished recess short and ran to the quote "Scene of the crime " unquote. (that too is a quote. Arlo Guthry- Alice's Restaurant Massacre in four part harmony). Seeing his brother all messed up threw Colten into a fit of rage with only one possible solution... revenge. Colten could be heard screaming down the halls of the School Morden Middle School as saying "When I catch up to that ?*&%$^ who killed my brother, I'm gonna mess him up bad". After gathering all of his grade one gangsta buddies Colten went out to gang bang the nasty O.G. who messed up his bro. Actually, the writer has taken some liberties here and would like to get back on track. Actually Colten was reduced to tears and by the time Tara had gotten there was in worse shape than Cody. The doctor took care of Cody, putting three stiches in his forehead, that is to say the doctor put three stiches in Cody's head (just wanted to be clear on that), and Tara, A.K.A. Mommy, took care of the blubbering mess who we know as Colt.

Tara May Has Big Plans

Tara May Baley a.k.a. sweet cheeks, has gone back to school. She is currently studing at the Morden Adult Education Centre (for Adults). Her courses include Accounting, Visions and Ventures. After Christmas, she will be taking another accounting course and Launching Your Own Business. Tara has also decided to take grade 12 English to complete her grade twelve. Yes folks, there is method behind the madness. Over the last half of a year, Tara has taken up sewing after her ever so thoughtful husband bought her a sewing machine for Christmas. She hopes to open her own sixties and seventies clothing store with a mish mash of other things thrown in to boot. The males of the Morden Baleys are very proud of their ambitious little sugar momma and want her to know that they are rooting for her. When asked how she feels about this huge undertaking, Tara replied," I'm just glad that they are both going to school fulltime now so I can have some ?@%$#& time to myself!". For more on Tara's plans, visit her web page by clicking her picture uptop.

Colten Refuses To Get His Hair Cut

Colten T. Seth Baley has recently been under pressure from unnamed sources to get his " ugly mop cut". As of this writers deadline, Colten had still not buckled under the pressure. Apparently, Colten had seen the movie X-Men, which surprisingly has more X-Women than X-Men, in Creston, B.C. this past summer and decided that he wanted a hair-do like Wolverine. Colten's mother, Tara May Baley was noticeably annoyed at Colten's revelation and was seen on many occasions since the revelation, trying  to entice the young man into cutting his precious locks. The biblical resemblances have not been lost on the Baley family and when Tara asked Colten's father, who has been suspiciously quiet on the subject from the get-go, " aren't you going to say anything to him?", Colten's father, who wishes to remain anonymous, rather stupidly (he only realized this in hind-sight) replied, " No that's all right Honey, now could you please move out of the way? The Yankees are up to bat." The father is expected to be groveling for months to come. Itching for more " Things not to say when your wife is upset" visit Todd's Web Page.

The Morden Baleys Welcome A New Addition To Their Family

The Baleys of Morden are proud to announce the arrival of their latest addition to their family. Hudson is a two year old pure-bred siberian huskey, is in good health and is really annoying the be Jesus out of The Adorable One, Adonis. Adonis, for those of you who do not know, is the resident five year old bad-boy shepard-husky. The two pups duked it out the first day and it appears that the reigning champ Adonis will retain his title as alpha dog after the first class " Tuning the New Dog In " ceremony held at the Baley ranch just two short days ago. Congratulations Adonis, you really know how to make the new dogs feel at home. Also seen getting her cheap shots in (only when Adonis had Hudson pinned did she even think about getting a few licks in) at the ceremony, was Crazy Cooter ( I might be crazy but I sure ain't dumb- Dukes of Hazzard). Cooter is the offspring of the Adorable One and was also part of the welcoming committee. It's good to see you teaching your daughter good wholesome family values Adonis, way to go. There's nothing like a good old fashioned s#$%-kicking to welcome a new family member, right Deke. Also added to the growing family were three prize kittens, Stone, Shocks, and Hee-Hee. They were bred from a long line of champion mousers and are a welcome sight around the ranch. For  those who are keeping track, the full range of Baley pets and family members is posted on the Contacts Page.

Todd Decides to Devote His Life to the Fine Art of Consuming Perogies
"Hey Ronald! If you were a hotdog and you were hungry, would ya eat yourself? I know I would." What more can be said about this item. He just loves perogies.

Well enjoy the site and until next issue, surf safe and have your dog and cat spayed or neutered. But if you don't, apparently we'll take 'em.

Peace Out!

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