Please accept my invitation to becoming the editorial arm of the "new federalist party". As all of our politicians are totally F#*ked with no possible means of redemption, we must forge ahead in forming our new political system. I may not get there with you.....oops someone already said that. I have begun web site to start off the new nonpartisan system. http://members.shaw.ca/chris.mann/new federalism.html. We will shed ourselves of the current bunch of bottom dwelling crooked bastards by choosing a two-day period in which none of us will go to work (I don't work) answer the phone or the door. What will be your function? I see you as the link. When they think we have all left the country we would take it back leaving those maroons in Ottawa polishing the pines in Parliament. The plan is spelled out in the new site. We have to be very very quiet, Sssssh. After the two day outage, the citizenry will be directed to the Ho Down. I'm sorry, I think my medication has begun to wear off. Let me go to the kitchen and get some more pretty pink pills. I'll be right back, I think.
Ranger03 (Pssst,,its me Chris)
1/15/2004 4:36:00 PM
Sounds like more work than we're capable of but what the heck. You keep us stocked in Wild Turkey (and maybe some of those pretty pink pills) and you've got yourself a yellow journalist. Besides, your name for the new party is better than the one Dirty Sanchez chose: Federal Union of Canadians.
Oh, and we already have a policy where we do nothing for a two day period. We call it today and tomorrow.
For those non-Canadian readers: As a result of a former unfortunate set of circumstances we have been left with a bit of residue from Empirical times. We have a Governor General. (sort of like Mickey at Disneyland) We have had some grand ones also: George Vanier, war hero and statesman. So the GG need not be an arrogant martinet spending more than some of the GNP of the country SHE or he represents, it just happened. Consider how fortunate I felt when this busy and greatly respected personage took time from her busy schedule to contact one so un-worthy. Please note: the GG wrote this personaly so all spelling mixtakes are devinativley hurs.
Dear Plebeian Subject,
As you know, my esteemed husband, the all powerful John Ralston Saul and I
are planning yet another vacati..er, fact finding, culture spreading junket,
to allow as many ordinary and pitiful citizens of the world to come in
contact with our deific selves.
Yes, we have received criticism for our polar junket, yes, we are pleased to
visit several centres, in fact, considering ourselves bi-polar, in every
sense of the world. What a marvellous opportunity for folks as grand as we
to ferry ourselves away with la crème de la crème of Canadian arts and
culture, to share our greatness with the pitiful hordes in Finland and
Latvia. Why not treat the starving and disease ridden Russians to the only
real joy in life, a lilting tune in G major from the delicate piccolo played
by a gay bi-racial musician from inner city Toronto? What more could the
indigenous people of Iceland hope to see than Irving Goldstein and his
suitcase full of NFB classics? All of this dear Chris at the mere cost of
only 1 million tax payer dollars. Why, that only barely covers the cost of
the presence of Mr. Clarkson and myself. Yes, yes I know, we are allowing
them to bring their spouse, but that is only to prevent these unwashed
artistic masses (our guests) from monopolizing too much or OUR time. John
and I do have such a difficult time rubbing shoulders with, well, mortals.
So, dear Chris, why am I calling upon you? Oddly enough, our next fact
finding, information spreading junket is to Namibia. We plan our sharing
some our Canadian expertise in the most appropriate ways. Our royal
advisors tell me you have some experience in de-icing, and I thought, how
quaint, if we could bring such an experience to this African desert country,
what a wonderful experience to share with these savages. Of course, yours
would not be the only talent we would like to share with this third world
country. We have recruited a wonderful crocheting grandmother from Grand
Manan who has promised to begin making scarves, now, and as we go, all
emblazoned with the Clarkson crest, which she will distribute to the
children we meet along the way. We have a pair ferret breeders from Flin
Flon who wish to introduce ferrets to the Kalahari desert. We have a team
of Inuit dancers from Isokqualitut who will portray a typical day in the
Canadian Arctic, from a whale kill and tanning to the actual pick up of the
government cheque, arrangements are now being made for shipment of skidoos
to ensure this portrayal is as realistic as possible. You can see, my dear
boy, that should you consent to join us (with Rosemary of course) you would
only be in the finest of company. It what promises to be a rewarding
journey of 5 star hotels and only the best meals.
Don't even considering rejecting our offer. Not only are we above politics,
we are also above rejection. The limo will retrieve you on Oct. 31, at 0900
Forever yours in infinite superiority,
I am Adrienne Clarkson
and you're not.
9/23/2003 1:19:00 PM
OK, we're printing this but we haven't a clue what it's all about. As far as we can tell, some guy named Chris is bringing some Inuit chaps from Flin Flon to our place on Halloween to kick the crap out of us in the name of Canadian culture. We, as always, say, "Bring it on, Clarkson"