The Hillbaley Ho Down & Extravaganza


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Faithful readers,

I would just like to correct some erroneous information that was published in the most recent article "Fear and Loathing in Brian Head." The statement in question is "she has no concept of where the brake pedal is on a vehicle."

From my last communique with JCrow (proud member of the Feline Alliance), this is what she had to say:

"That is just blatant misogyny. I know exactly where the brake pedal is on a vehicle. I just prefer to view it as more of a suggestion than an absolute rule. It's merely an accessory, like Ken is to Barbie."

Let the truth be known. Felines of the world unite!

- The Estrogen Defensive

The Estrogen Defensive
9/19/2005 8:36:00 PM
Misogyny? We're offended at the accusation, even if we don't totally understand it. I think you misunderstood the context of the comment so I'll quote directly from Dirty's notes:

"Why they let women behind the wheel of anything larger than a stroller, I'll never know"

No need to apologize.

Dear Sir/Mam

Please could you send me any information on Ho Down's as it is a school project ! This needs to be in for Friday 21 st of January !
You can contact me on e-mail removed because this is a sweet, innocent girl and we know what kind of cretins read our rag
thank-you
laura x

Laura Owen
1/18/2004 10:26:00 AM
"Sir/Mam" <snicker>

As we typically say to our readers, Laura, get ready for disappointment. There ain't a whole lot going on here that has to do with ho downs, despite our noble name.

Wait a minute...a school project on ho downs?

Please accept my invitation to becoming the editorial arm of the "new federalist party". As all of our politicians are totally F#*ked with no possible means of redemption, we must forge ahead in forming our new political system. I may not get there with you.....oops someone already said that. I have begun web site to start off the new nonpartisan system. http://members.shaw.ca/chris.mann/new federalism.html. We will shed ourselves of the current bunch of bottom dwelling crooked bastards by choosing a two-day period in which none of us will go to work (I don't work) answer the phone or the door. What will be your function? I see you as the link. When they think we have all left the country we would take it back leaving those maroons in Ottawa polishing the pines in Parliament. The plan is spelled out in the new site. We have to be very very quiet, Sssssh. After the two day outage, the citizenry will be directed to the Ho Down. I'm sorry, I think my medication has begun to wear off. Let me go to the kitchen and get some more pretty pink pills. I'll be right back, I think.

Ranger03 (Pssst,,its me Chris)
1/15/2004 4:36:00 PM
Sounds like more work than we're capable of but what the heck. You keep us stocked in Wild Turkey (and maybe some of those pretty pink pills) and you've got yourself a yellow journalist. Besides, your name for the new party is better than the one Dirty Sanchez chose: Federal Union of Canadians.

Oh, and we already have a policy where we do nothing for a two day period. We call it today and tomorrow.

George Dblya must have been talking to the CBC interviewer who poses as governor general. This is the only explanation I have for George to have sent me his resume. The resume may be found here: http://ranger03.com/bush_resume1.html


Chris http://ranger03.com

Chris Mann
12/6/2003 11:28:00 AM
Now, don't go all political on us, Chris. We wouldn't want to say anything to make ole W mad at the Ho Down, would we?

http://ranger03.com/a_clarkson.html

For those non-Canadian readers: As a result of a former unfortunate set of circumstances we have been left with a bit of residue from Empirical times. We have a Governor General. (sort of like Mickey at Disneyland) We have had some grand ones also: George Vanier, war hero and statesman. So the GG need not be an arrogant martinet spending more than some of the GNP of the country SHE or he represents, it just happened. Consider how fortunate I felt when this busy and greatly respected personage took time from her busy schedule to contact one so un-worthy. Please note: the GG wrote this personaly so all spelling mixtakes are devinativley hurs.



Dear Plebeian Subject,

As you know, my esteemed husband, the all powerful John Ralston Saul and I

are planning yet another vacati..er, fact finding, culture spreading junket,

to allow as many ordinary and pitiful citizens of the world to come in

contact with our deific selves.

Yes, we have received criticism for our polar junket, yes, we are pleased to

visit several centres, in fact, considering ourselves bi-polar, in every

sense of the world. What a marvellous opportunity for folks as grand as we

to ferry ourselves away with la crème de la crème of Canadian arts and

culture, to share our greatness with the pitiful hordes in Finland and

Latvia. Why not treat the starving and disease ridden Russians to the only

real joy in life, a lilting tune in G major from the delicate piccolo played

by a gay bi-racial musician from inner city Toronto? What more could the

indigenous people of Iceland hope to see than Irving Goldstein and his

suitcase full of NFB classics? All of this dear Chris at the mere cost of

only 1 million tax payer dollars. Why, that only barely covers the cost of

the presence of Mr. Clarkson and myself. Yes, yes I know, we are allowing

them to bring their spouse, but that is only to prevent these unwashed

artistic masses (our guests) from monopolizing too much or OUR time. John

and I do have such a difficult time rubbing shoulders with, well, mortals.

So, dear Chris, why am I calling upon you? Oddly enough, our next fact

finding, information spreading junket is to Namibia. We plan our sharing

some our Canadian expertise in the most appropriate ways. Our royal

advisors tell me you have some experience in de-icing, and I thought, how

quaint, if we could bring such an experience to this African desert country,

what a wonderful experience to share with these savages. Of course, yours

would not be the only talent we would like to share with this third world

country. We have recruited a wonderful crocheting grandmother from Grand

Manan who has promised to begin making scarves, now, and as we go, all

emblazoned with the Clarkson crest, which she will distribute to the

children we meet along the way. We have a pair ferret breeders from Flin

Flon who wish to introduce ferrets to the Kalahari desert. We have a team

of Inuit dancers from Isokqualitut who will portray a typical day in the

Canadian Arctic, from a whale kill and tanning to the actual pick up of the

government cheque, arrangements are now being made for shipment of skidoos

to ensure this portrayal is as realistic as possible. You can see, my dear

boy, that should you consent to join us (with Rosemary of course) you would

only be in the finest of company. It what promises to be a rewarding

journey of 5 star hotels and only the best meals.

Don't even considering rejecting our offer. Not only are we above politics,

we are also above rejection. The limo will retrieve you on Oct. 31, at 0900

hours.

Forever yours in infinite superiority,

I am Adrienne Clarkson

and you're not.

Adrian Clarkson
9/23/2003 1:19:00 PM
OK, we're printing this but we haven't a clue what it's all about. As far as we can tell, some guy named Chris is bringing some Inuit chaps from Flin Flon to our place on Halloween to kick the crap out of us in the name of Canadian culture. We, as always, say, "Bring it on, Clarkson"
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